If the future looms then the past lingers. It’s all there, a part of me I leave behind. Whether it be on the blog, on forums I’ve participated in, things I’ve said to people, my moments of anger, my moments of passion, my grade 4 report card. It is all there, a part of me that has happened.
But the past is gone. I cannot change it, I cannot control it. It has happened and that is that. I don’t have full control over the future, but the future does offer an illusion of control.
So yes, the future, it scares me. How can any one with certainty say “tomorrow” or “next year”? “Next year” is even scarier than “tomorrow” because there are hundreds of “tomorrows” within a “next year”.
“Oh, I missed the event? I’ll go next year.”
“Let’s meet up next week.”
“I’ll do it tomorrow.”
How can one be so certain? I certainly cannot.
I suppose this is why we say “inshallah”. An insurance of sorts, or recognition of the certainty we’ve uttered but by ourselves cannot afford. Saying inshallah has now become a second nature for me. Often I'll find myself saying it or typing it when it's not even needed.
So, today is an opportunity, tomorrow is a privilege.
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